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Of sadness, anger and despair

November 21, 2015
After the stark evidence of human evil in this world I look for a leader who will lead people to peace not war. I’ve seen what war and hatred can do. I hear President Obama admit that ISIL is the unintended consequence of the invasion of Iraq. I see the videos filled with hatred and violence and I am ashamed to be a human being. I feel an overwhelming sadness that feels like despair. I feel the anger and the revulsion and suddenly the impulse to wipe it all out doesn’t seem so irrational. I read of Noah and the flood and suddenly God’s actions don’t seem so odd.
We, as a race, can be wonderful, but so often we do such evil things. We have so much potential for good but so often we use our skill and intelligence to devise ever more imaginative ways to bring death and suffering on our fellow human beings. If I were God I would probably have given up on these self-righteous apes a long time ago.
I’d make a really useless God.
In my sadness I could find no peace. I want peace, I need peace and long for peace. I sat and prayed for peace. I prayed for peace to come. I prayed for peace to fill the hearts of those who hate. I prayed for love too. Then I stopped. Nothing external seemed to have happened. The world goes on regardless. But everything has indeed changed. My encounter with God has changed me.
I see what God has done and I’m ashamed at myself for my thoughts, as ashamed as I am of my race. I see that God has not given up on me and my kind: It’s not just a grudging last chance offered either. God calls for me and mine to be his children with him as our Father. The Father has sent Jesus to make all of this possible: To make peace between God and humanity. To end our hostility, with love.
I feel my lack of peace draining away. I feel love taking its place. I feel a tiny fraction of the love that turned God’s anger away from just wiping us out as a sick mistake. I feel the love and the love is beginning to make me whole. I realise that my anger came out of fear and the love is driving out that fear – Love is leaving less and less room for fear to hide. Despair seems to have tip-toed away too.
I start to get the slightest glimpse of what it was for God in Jesus to suffer here and die. I see that there is a better way than revenge and yet more violence, then revenge back and more violence and on and on and on. I see a way out. Not an easy way but a powerful way. I see the way of Christ. Christ who is king, here and now. Christ who is king for all eternity.
Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory to God (Luke 19.38 CEV).
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